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| i'm on a boat. summer 2013. |
between the real estate market going bonkers and stella & dot trunk shows coming out of the yin-yang, i barely had time to do much else. however- i did make one thing a priority. yes, friends, i online dated my summer away. i mean, what better time than when i am tan?! fact: everyone looks better tan.
now let me preface this post with providing you background on my romantical past. so i'm putting this out there- i've had 2 long-term boyfriends. one in high school and one in college. after college it's honestly been one hot mess after another. HA. if i've been out with any of you in the past 8 years and you're reading this, my bad. but obviously it didn't workout for whatever reason. as my brother said recently: 'there should be a reality show based on your dates.' and if i get ONE MORE message that just says, 'you so sexy,' i am going to scream. if you can't type a full sentence using proper english, do not contact me. lol. anyway, for your reading pleasure, here are 4 of the funniest/most absurd/craziest dates i've been on in the past 8 years:
date #1: we've all been to those restaurants where they cram people into every nook and cranny to maximize their space. how this isn't a fire hazard is beyond me. i mean, when you have to move the table next to you to get into your seat, we've got probs. i digress. anyway, when we leave we discuss our neighbors that we basically ate dinner with. ha. the couple to our right was fighting the entire time. the couple to the left was on their cells the entire time. as we're trying to decide which i worse, i say 'i never take my cell out when i'm on a date. it's just rude.' his response (spoiler- there's interesting language ahead): 'i always do. mainly because i'm afraid of the radiation on my penis, balls, dick area.' VERBATIM. i kid you not. i wish i could have seen the look on my face.
date #2: this one started off well. reservations at a good restaurant: check. well-dressed: check. looked like his picture: check. and then the conversation started. this guy was definitely looking for a wifey. i asked a very simple question: 'what are you doing this weekend?' his response: 'well i'm going to my niece's birthday party with my entire family. i'm the only single person. my sister and her husband will be there. my brother and his wife. my other brother and his wife. my parents. my cousin and her fiance. my dog and his partner. they call me uncle single.' now i may have added the dog part, but you get my drift. he was so focused on getting married that he was missing the whole point of dating- getting to know one another. his next stop: mail-order bride.
date #3: he fell asleep. on our date. at the bar. i have no other explanation. i asked if he was ok. i should have asked if he had narcolepsy. lol.
date #4: tall, tan, and australian. i thought i hit a home run with this one. turns out his visa is active for 2 years, but his work contract is up this november so he wasn't sure what was going to happen. awesome. pretty sure he was looking for a green-card wedding. it wasn't as awesome though as the movie. ha.
here's the deal though- i actually have grown to like going on dates. like A LOT. it's fun to meet someone new and also have awesome stories after the fact. most of my friends are attached so i am constantly told they are living vicariously through me. so glad i can go on horrendous dates to provide comic relief to everyone out there. lol. plus i feel like it's a numbers game- i am in sales after all. the more first dates i go on, the higher the chance that i'll meet someone i actually want to go on a second date with. and at the end of the day that's all i'm really looking for. someone who's company i actually enjoy having around and can have fun with.
as kip moore says: 'life's a long and winding ride. better have the right one by your side.'
xoxo lauren
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